


The Marvellous Hangover

by tumblrwrites_ally



Category: Marvel
Genre: Drug Use, Explicit Language, F/M, Sexual Content, The Hangover - Freeform, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 11:47:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18194195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tumblrwrites_ally/pseuds/tumblrwrites_ally
Summary: What happens when you put a nervous wreck, some guy with a parasite, the groom to be, and Wade Wilson in Las Vegas? A lot of messed up shit.Based on The Hangover.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Credits and copyright © go to The Hangover franchise.

It’s a beautiful day in New York city, what seemed to be average, a bright sun and blistering heat.

_Hey it’s Scott, you know what to do._

In Central Park near the pond, workers scurry about, setting up dozens of white chairs for the ceremony.

_You’ve reached Peter Parker, sorry I can’t come to the-_

On the stage, a string quartet is rehearsing…

_Yo it’s Eddie. Leave a message or don’t. But do me a favour, don’t text saying you called, it’s gay-_

 In a sun- drenched bridal suite across town, a simple, classic wedding dress hangs on the door. Sitting at the makeup table, surrounded by her Mom, Janet, and three bridesmaids, is the bride, Hope Van Dyne. Hope is still in sweats as a stylist fixes her hair, franticly dialing numbers.

“Anything?” asks Janet.

Hope shakes her head, “I’ve tried them all it keeps going straight to voicemail.”

Hank blows in the door with a look of impatience and concern. “Any luck?” Janet’s face says it all. “It’s fine, we’ve got time. You know Scott and his band of miscreants.”

“That’s exactly why I’m worried Dad!” Hope exclaims. “They should have been back by now.”

“Sweetie, it’s Vegas. You lose track of time in those casinos what with no windows or clocks. He’s probably on a heater and you never walk away from a table like that.”

Janet narrows her eyes, “you do if you’re getting married.” Just then, Hope’s phone begins to ring, everyone looks its way and she answers.

“Hello? Eddie?”

On the other side of the call stands Eddie Brock on a road in the Mojave Desert. Eddie is currently a complete mess, his shirt is ripped open, sunglasses are bent, and there is dried blood on his lip.

“Yeah it’s me.”

Parked behind him is a near-totalled 1970 Mercedes Benz 280SE convertible; it’s scratched, dented, filthy, and is missing its passenger door. Slouched inside are two of his friends, looking like total shit.

“Eddie! Where the hell are you guys?! I’m freaking out!”

“Yeah, listen” Eddie rubs his forehead, “we fucked up.”

“What are you talking about?” sterns Hope.

“the bachelor party, the whole night,” he struggles to find words “things just got out of control and…fuck, Hope we lost Scott.”

“What?!” The shriek strains Eddie’s ear. “We’re getting married in five hours!”

Eddie looks over the desert, heat waves rise with the sun. “That’s not gonna happen.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

TWO DAYS EARLIER

Scott Lang, the husband to be, is standing in front of a mirror taking in the sight of his new tux. He opted for wearing the one from his first wedding, but that didn’t exactly sit well with Hope. What? It was a good suit! On the other side of the room stood Wade Wilson, a six foot something, not totally with it, guy. The tailor is making final alterations on his pants.

“Hey buddy.” Wade swats at his hand, “easy in that area.”

“It’s ok Wade,” Scott insures “he’s just doing the inseam.”

“Yeah, I’m just saying, there’s a lot down there to damage. Plus I’m not into old dudes.” Once the tailor is gone, Wade and Scott begin to change out of their tuxedos. “So, listen Scott…I was thinking. If you want to take Luis to Vegas instead of me I’m totally cool with it.”

“why?”

“well it’s your bachelor party, Luis is your best bud and the only reason I’m your best man is because I won the rock paper scissors competition.” Wade takes off his tie, “besides they don’t really like me.”

“Oh come on Wade,” Scott turns to face him, “those two love you, besides Luis is going to be gone that weekend remember? Him and the boys have a real good shot at getting a sponsor for the security company.”

“I just don’t want to feel like the third wheel.”

“Fourth. You know cause there’s three of us besides you?”

“No I’m pretty sure I mean third.”

“Right. Well, either way I still want you there.”

Wade smiles. “Thanks man, and I swear I won’t tell Hope a thing. We could do anything.”

“I appreciate it.”

“Literally anything. We could even kill someone.”

“What?!”

“I told you that was a bad suggestion.” Wade sneers at nothing, then looks back to Scott. “Sorry. Boxes.”

 

  Scott exits the house to find Hank waiting for him on the porch. “Scott. Take a walk with me.”

“Alrighty.” They stroll across the front lawn that is blooming with flowers. “Hank I just wanna thank you for everything you’re doing for this weekend. We’re really excited.”

“Yeah, Yeah you love us. Look, I want to talk to you about Vegas.”

“Well it should be fun. Grab some dinner, have a few laughs.”

Hank eyes Scott suspiciously. “A few laughs huh? I gotcha. How you getting there?”

Scott points towards a company van. “I’m picking up the guys so I need something big.”

“You’re going to Vegas in that? That’s like going dancing in a wheelchair.” Hank stops walking and turns his position. “When you go to Vegas, you go to Vegas.” Pulling a small garage door remote from his pocket, he unveils a 1970 Mercedes Benz (yup, the one from the desert, only this time it’s in one piece).

Scott is stunned. “Ah man, Hank…I can’t.”

“Of course you can. We are family now, after all.”

“But you love this car.”

“It’s just a car Scott, I could probably build an exact model if I wanted to. Just put some Armour All on the tires when you get there, or the sand will seep in.”

“Absolutely.”

“And don’t let Wade drive. He’s a bit of an idiot.” Scott nods and reaches for the keys. “Or Eddie. I don’t like him.”

“I’ll be the only one driving I swear.”

“You also swore you burned that suit.”

“Really? We’re not over that?” Hank drops the keys in Scott’s hand.

“No. Have fun Scott, and remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas…Except herpes. That shit will follow you home.”


	3. Chapter 3

Across town, in a small public school, Eddie is teaching his afternoon class of ninth graders. Does he hate his job? Yes. But does said job give him his weekends and holidays? Yes and that's the important part.

"So, in response to Marty's insensitive comment, no Lenny is not a retard." This brings on relaxed laughter from the class, clearly Eddie is 'the cool teacher'. "Instead, what Steinbeck was illustrating through the character of the  _developmentally disabled_ Lenny Small, was a physically big man, with the dreams and attributes of a small child." He stops his pace at Marty's desk. "But apparently that was lost in translation a bit." More laughter occurs to which Marty shrugs. The last bell of the day rings and Eddies students begin to pack up. "Hold up! I still need permission slips and ninety dollars for our field trip to the museum! Pay now or forever regret missing the experience of a life time ok? We'll be visiting the Captain America exhibit." A collection of students approach the front desk and hand over small envolopes. "Thanks." Eddie begins to collect them. "What wrong with you Sean, i told you not cheques."

"My Dad said the school could cash it."

"Alright. Just sign it for me will ya?" behind Sean stands one last kid. "What's up Max? No museum?"

"Nah." Max says with a head shake. "I'm grounded so my Mom won't give me the money."

"Oh...well uh...how much do you have on you?"

"Like twenty bucks."

"Hand it over and I'll cover the rest for you." Max's face lights up.

"Really? Thanks Mr. Brock!" Max hands Eddie a crumpled twenty dollar bill from his pocket and follows Sean out the door. Once the room is empty, Eddie gathers all of the cash and shoves it into a wrinkled envalope labled 'Vegas'.

 

   Outside, in the Mercedes, Eddie can see Wade and Scott waiting for him. He's about to descend the steps when a kid with a backpack approaches him.

"Mr. Brock do you think I can-" Eddie blows right past him.

"It's the weekend Budnick, you're dead to me until Monday." Eddie stops a foot from the car. "Nice. I'm driving."

"Hell no." Scott answers without thought. "I'm still debating if I'm even going to let you in this baby." Eddie laughs tossing his bag in the back seat. Of course, he hops in without using the door, leaving a dusty foot print on the side. "Really man?"

"Drive before another one of these nerds asks a question." Scott rolls his eyes and starts his drive to Peters. 

 

* * *

 

"Don't forget your cream!"

"Got it." Peter is doing his last minute packing and checking off his list.

"And don't forget to use it. I can totally tell when you don't, your skin just looks dry." Peter rolls his eyes at MJ's nagging.

"Yes dear." Peter rolls his bag into the living room where his girlfriend is seated on the couch. 

"Make sure you call me when you get to the hotel." Peter sits by her.

"Absolutely." He leans in for a kiss but she pulls away. "What's the matter?"

"I don't know I'm just worried you're going to go to some strip club up there."

"M, we're going to Napa Valley, I don't even think they have strip clubs there."

"Well if there is I'm sure Eddie will sniff it out."

"It won't be like that. Besides, you know how I feel about that sort of thing."

"I know but it's just so gross, not to mention it's totally pathetic." Peter nods. "And the worst part, that girl dry humping a pole on that stage?"

"That's somebody's daughter." Peter's been through this talk before.

"Exactly. I wish your friends were as mature as you." MJ caresses peters jaw.

"They're mature you just have to get to know them a little more is all." Outside the other guys pull up with Eddie leaning over the side.

"Paging Doctor faggot!" Eddie calls. MJ give Peter a look of disapproval. "Doctor faggot!"

"I'm gonna go now." Peter mumbles picking up his bag.

"Yeah you do that," MJ nods "Doctor faggot."

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided that I'm going to make this a little less superhero based as I had planed. Of course I'm still using the same characters but I'll be using more vague ways of introducing elements of their abilities. If you have read the second chapter you have already seen Hank mention the suit. That part will stay the same but from now on I will deviate away from what's "technically right". 
> 
> THIS WILL BETTER AID COMING EVENTS WITHOUT STRAYING TOO FAR FROM THE STORY.

Cruising down the interstate...well not cruising, more like crawling, the four guys are finally headed for Vegas. Wade isn't too shy about showing off his excitement.

"Wooohooo! Vegas Baby!" A young girl flips him off in the line of cars that are passing them. Everyone but Scott is swigging on beers.

"Man let me drive just until-"

"No, I promised Hank." Scott cuts Eddie off. "Besides you're drinking."

"What are you a cop now? I drive great when I drink." There's a pause of silence.

"I mean he was the best designated drunk driver we ever knew." Peter adds.

"No. Drunk. Driving." Scott answers. 

"Aw come on man," Eddie insists, "you know I'm missing my sons soccer game for this trip?"

"Really?" Wade asks. "That's so nice of you Ed-"

"Dude I'm being sarcastic." Eddie downs a mouthful of his beer. "I fucking hate my life, I may never come back from this weekend."

"Here we go again." Peter sighs.

"Whatever." Eddie grumbles. "Have fun tonight Scott because starting Sunday you'll die a little bit every day and that's before the kids."

Wade laughs. "And that guys is why I managed to stay single all this time."

"Really?" Peter asks flatly. "That's why?"

Scott flicks his blinker to change his lane. "Hey Wade am I good?"

"Yeah you're good." Scott begins to enter the next lane when the blasting horn of a semi truck sends his swerving back. Wade laughs. "What the hell man?!"

"Psyche! They were right it was funny."

"We could have died!" Peter yells from the back.

"But did we?"

"Who the fuck is they?!" Eddie asks.

" _But did we die_?" No one answers Wade. "I didn't think so."

* * *

 

Outside of a dingy looking gas station, Wade is pumping gas into the car while reading a book titled Knock-Out Blackjack: Card Counting Made Easy. 

"Sweet ride." Wade looks up to see an elderly man gesturing to the car.

"Thanks old timer." He replies with sincerity. "But no touchy touchy, we can not bring this thing home with so much as a finger print on it." Inside at the checkout Peter, Eddie, and watching Wade while Scott fishes for his credit card.

"He's kind of funny." Peter speaks.

"Yeah, he means well." Scott comments.

"Is he know... _all there_?" Eddie asks.

"I think so," Scott answers, "he just hears voices sometimes. Childhood trauma from what I know."

"Can't say I don't relate on the voice thing, mines just more annoying than convincing...Should we be worried?"

"Nah, as long as we don't let him gamble or find drug dealers we should be fine."

"I beg to differ." Peter says concerned. "We've yet to get to Vegas and he's tried to kill us once."

"Jesus." Eddie curses. "He's like a fucking gremlin, comes with instructions and shit." A ding notification interrupts and Peter takes out his phone.

"It's Marry Jane." He mumbles. "Wondering where we are...two" Peter says while typing, "hours. from wine. country." Eddie screws up his face.

"Don't you find it strange that you've been dating her for three years but you still have to lie about going to Vegas?"

"It's just not worth the fight." The cashier peers up with interest but it goes unnoticed to Eddie.

"Of course. You can't go to Vegas, but she can fuck a bellhop on the Disney Cruise Line with her equally annoying besties."

"He was a bartender okay?! Besides she was drunk!" Peters volume starts to draw attention.

"Car's all gassed up." Scott intervenes. "Let's go before Wade decides to start walking there."

"Wouldn't be a bad thing." Eddie says.

"Do you want to walk to Vegas?" Scott asks with the hit of a threat. Eddie puts his hands up next to his head in surrender, he walks out of the door with the guys in tow. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Use of offensive language.

The sun is now setting as the Mercedes zips down the road, a warm wind fills the topless interior. In the back, Eddie is relaxing with one ear bud in while Wade continues to read in the front. "It says here we should work in teams." Wade says. "Who wants to be my spotter?"

"I don't think you should do too much gambling tonight dude." Peter adds.

"Who said anything about gambling?" Wade twists in his seat to face Peter. "See it's not gambling if you know you're going to win. Card counting is a full proof system."

"It's also illegal."

"It's not illegal its just frowned upon. like masturbating in a library."

Eddie snorts a laugh. "Pretty sure that's illegal too."

"And besides," Scott adds, "you've got to be really smart to count cards. It's not easy."

"Oh really?" Wade asks rhetorically, turning back around. "Maybe we should ask Rain Man, he bankrupt a casino and he was a rutard."

"A what?" Peter asks.

"Rutard." Wade repeats.

"Retard." Eddie corrects.

 

* * *

 

As the sun makes its final appearance of the night, the men crest the last hill revealing Las Vegas in all its splendor. Though it isn't the quickest way to their hotel, they decided to take a detor on Las Vegas Boulevard. The sin city sits at an abscure scale, hotels have five thousand rooms, roads have eight lanes, and billboardes are no less that sixty feet high. Pulling up to their hotel, Scott hands the keys to a valet as Eddie and Peter empty the trunk of thier bags. Wade on the other hand, is too consumed in a group of girls cladded in mini skirts and big bleached hair.

The ground floor lobby is massive in itself. Expensive furniture is set in three large circles, chandeliers light the room, and a wall sized piece of art hangs behind the check in desk. Setting at this desk, is a young woman in a suit with a name tag that reads Lisa. 

"Hello." she greets. "Checking in."

"Yes," Peter answers, "under Dr. Parker."

"Ask for an upgrade." Wade whispers.

"Alright let me look that up for you." she begins to type at a computer.

"Dr. Parker?" Eddie asks. "You're a lab researcher."

"I'm one year away from my doctorate so technically I can informally use the term."

"Upgrade." Wade whispers a little louder.

Eddie ignores Peter and leans in toward Lisa. "He's still only a lab tech so don't get excited. If someone has a heart attack you should still call 911." Lisa smiles and looks back at the computer.

"Understood. I have you in a 2-bedroom suit on the twelfth floor. Is that ok?"

"Do you have any Villas available?" Wade butts in.

"The two is fine." Peter answers. "We'll hardly even be in the room, besides we can share beds."

"Share beds?!" Wade puts his hands on his hips. "Peter this is a five star hotel in Vegas, not the YMCA. Scott is getting married on Sunday, don't you want him to have the ultimate spictacular experience?"

"Don't drag me into this." Scott insists.

"See Peter you're making him uncomfortable."

"But you-." Peter sighs and turns to Lisa. "How much is the Villa?"

"We have one available, it's $4200 for the night."

"Is it awesome?" Wade asks.

"Pretty awesome." Lisa nods. "It has four bedrooms, a full bar, and-"

"Done." Eddie interrupts. "We'll take it. Pete she needs your card."

"I can't. MJ checks my statements and he thinks we're in a motel in Napa."

"We just need a card on file," Lisa adds, "we won't charge you until you check out. You can figure it out then."

"Perfect thank you Lisa." Eddie picks the credit card out of Peters hand and slides it over.

 

* * *

 

 

At the very top floor, wing two, sits Villa #8. Eddie unlocks the door and enters a world of luxury, Lisa was right about the full bar. On the wall there is a flat screen, and by the large windows sits a grand piano. 

"Now this is Vegas baby!" Eddie says, getting louder with each word.

Scott is in disbelief. "Wow. Thanks guys!...well, Peter."

"You're welcome and it better be worth it." Peter stresses. Wade walks over to the bar and spies a large bowl of snacks.

"Ouu cashews!" He grabs a bag and is startled when a series of beeps comes from the base of the bowl. Peter leaps over grabbing the pack from Wade and shoving it back in the bowl. "Was that going to explode?!"

"No Wade its weight sensitive, everything in this bar is. That's how they get you, they measure weight and you have thirty seconds to put it back before it charges your card. If you guys want expensive nuts then give them your own card."

"Or give a rich guy a blow job." Wade jokes but no one laughs. "You know cause- never mind."

"Well I'm having a beer." Eddie walks over.

"Did you not just hear me?" Peter questions in annoyance.

"Relax you bag of nerves I've got an idea." Eddie finds a glass and fills it with water from the sink, opening the fridge he takes a beer and the beeping stops as soon as he lays the glass in place of the bottle. "See? Problem solved." He pops off the cap and takes a gulp. "Get dressed boys we leave in thirty."

 


	6. Authors note

Hi everyone, I’m here to apologize for the lack of updates. I’m dealing with a lot of poor mental health right now and writing has been strenuous. Never the less I will still be posting chapters as soon as they are done. I hope that this does not come as an inconvenience to anyone. 

Thank you  
Ally


	7. Chapter 7

Having gotten out of the shower, Peter is now in his own room. Like the rest of the Villa, it is large and equipped with a king sized bed, four dressers, and a full bathroom with marble flooring. Of course he isn't telling MJ any of this over the phone. "I just wish you could see it." He says. "You'd love it here, its so quaint." Peter pulls a dress shirt from his bag and stands in front of the flat screen while buttoning it up. On the screen, a tennis match is playing on mute. "There's no TV's, no phones, just these tiny antique radios in the rooms."

"Wow that does sound nice." She replies.

"Yeah we even met the guy who owns it, such a sweet old man." Peter pulls on his socks.

"What's his name?"

"His name? uh, Caesar." Well...it is the name of the hotel after all.

"Like the salad?"

"Exactly." In the door way, Eddie and Scott are waiting impatiently. Eddie keeps pointing to his naked wrist signalling they need to go. "Hey MJ, we're about to head out to our first wine tasting so I'll call you later ok?"

"I'll hold you to it. I love you."

"I love you too, bye." Peter hangs up before MJ has the chance to say anything else and looks at the guys sheepishly. Eddie shakes his head.

"Disappointing Parker."

"You try dealing with her. Where's Wade?"

"He's downstairs." Scott answers. "Said he needed to pick up a few things."

"Oh good because I have something I want to show you guys." Peter fishes through his suitcase and pulls out a small blue box that is worn around the edges. He flips open the cover to reveal an antique ring.

"O my god." Eddie mumbles.

"Is that what I think it is?" Scott asks.

"What do you think?" Peter replies. Scott opens his mouth to speak but Eddie cuts him off.

"A big fucking mistake is what I think it is."

"I'm going to propose once you and Hope have gone to the honeymoon." Peter says to Scott. "So I don't take any of the attention away."

"That's real nice of you Peter." Scott pats him on the shoulder. "I'm happy for you." Eddie rolls his eyes.

"Have you not listened to anything I've said?"

"Eddie I've been with her for three years, if not now then when?"

"Never!" Eddie exclaims. "A. she's a total bitch, and B. you had to lie about where you're going just to get a free pass, not to mention she fucked a sailor!"

"Actually it was a bartender on a cruise." Scott corrects. Peter shakes his head.

"You two do realize I'm still here right?"

"Peter believe it or not, me and Scott care about you. I'm already married so I know it sucks balls, and my wife is normal." Wade enters the door with a full paper bag.

"You guys ready to rock?" He asks. While the others are dressed in suits, Wade is a little more casual in a pair of jeans and a grey t shirt with a finger-sized hole near the neck.

 

* * *

 

 

While waiting at the elevator, Eddie glances at Wade to find a "man purse" hanging across his shoulder and resting at his hip.

"Are you actually wearing that?" He asks.

"What do you mean?" Wade asks looking down.

"That's a man purse, are you really wearing that or are you guys just fucking with me?"

"It's how I carry my belongings and it's not a man purse it is a satchel." The elevator dings and the doors open. Inside a guy with a mullet stands up from the floor where he was obviously knelt infront of the desheveled and blushing woman. The gang walk in and the guy presses a button.

"Going up?" He asks.

"Yup." Eddie replies flatly.

"Us too." There is an awkward pause of silence to which Wade breaks.

"Kinda looked like you were going down." 

 

* * *

 

 

Once at the top, the exit out a steel rooftop door at the very height of the hotel. From there they can view all of Vegas, lit up by flashing neon lights. 

"Hey dude you sure about this?" Peter asks Eddie. "I don't think we're aloud up here."

"Please, we're paying for a Villa we can do whatever we want."

Scott walks to the edge and looks out over. "Check out this view." Peter joins him while Eddie looks back.

"Hey Wade, we good?"

"One more sec." Wade replies, pouring tequila shots into glasses from the paper bag. Drinks in hand, the joins the rest of his friends at the edge.

"Ah! Tequila, I should have known." Scott takes a glass with a smile. Peter raises his glass.

"A toast. To Scott and Hope! May this night be just a minor speed bump in a long and healthy marriage." Hear. Hear. They down their shots and Wade steps forward.

"I have something I'd like to say." His friends nod in permission. "Alright uh... you guys might not believe this, but I've always been a bit of a loner. Well, not in here." Wade snorts, pointing to his head. "They never shut up! But aside from the gremlins in my brain, I always considered myself as a 'one man wolfpack'. But then Peter came along and so did the rest of you, and one day I realized 'shit, my wolfpack grew'. Crazy how the world works." The guys smile but are marginally uncomfortable. "So tonight while we have the blood of a full moons, and the testosterone of twenty men running through our veins, I want to make a toast," Wade takes a pocket knife from his bag and switches it open, "to my new brothers!" Wade digs the blade into the palm of his hand and drags it. The guys recoil back in disgust.

"Jesus Wade!" Peter yells.

"What the fuck man?!" Eddie adds.

"Oh come on," Wade says, "it's a pact! We're brothers now!" Wade tries handing the knife to Scott.

"Nope, that's already too much for me."

Peter gags at the smell of iron in Wades blood. "Wade look I'm sure Scott appreciates the speech but neither of us are going to cut our hands ok?" Wade nods in dissapointment and pulls a rag from his bag to wrap his hand.

"Ok, my turn." Eddie says. "I'd like to take a moment to talk about memory. Or better yet, _selective memory._ You see, what happens tonight may as well never have happened at all. Because this circle is as far as it is ever gonna go. In other words, forget everything." Eddie pauses. "Good or bad, we don't remember, so we got nothing to talk about. I don't care if you save a kids life, we don't mention it. If you get a hole-in-one golf, it never happened. If you thwart a fucking terrorist attack, it never happened. Deal?" 

"Deal." The other agree in unison. Eddie clinks glasses with them to seal this promise.

"Perfect. To a night we'll never remember but one we will never forget!" Hear. Hear. They drink once more.

 


	8. Chapter 8

It's morning time in Vegas, and rays of bright desert sun are spilling through the windows of Villa #8. What once was a beautiful room is now a complete disaster, broken furniture, clothing, beer cans and other remnants of the night before are scattered everywhere. On the wall, next to the flat screen, is a spray painted penis with 'Alan was here' underneath it. Even the couch has a whole burnt in its seat, which is still smouldering. A chicken pecks its way through the wreckage, passing by Peter who is passed out on the marble floor. He soon wakes up from the sound of the entrance door closing. Peter is seeing double from the pain in his head, located in various places, he forces himself to sit up so he can assess the damage. 

"My god." He croaks. Behind him, Wade stands up from behind the bar where it appears he had made a bed out of empty candy wrappers. He seems unbothered by the fact that he is bare naked from the waist down and makes his way into the bathroom. He begins to pee, closing his eyes in hopes he would fall back to sleep, when a small growl appears in ear shot. Wades eyes shoot open and he looks towards the shower, where a tiger is laying down on the floor. 

"Tiger." He whispers in shock. he bolts out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him, only to trip up over someone in the process. 

"What the hell man?" Eddie sits up gripping his head. "God Wade put some pants on."

"Don't go in! Don't! There's a-a." Wade points to the bathroom. 

"Relax Wade it's me."

"There's a tiger in the bathroom."

"What?" Eddie asks slowly standing up.

"There is a fucking tiger, _in_ the bathroom." Wade stresses. Peter pulls himself up on the couch and peers over at his friends.

"What's going on?" He asks. Eddie cracks open the bathroom door and sticks his head in. Quickly he pulls back out and pulls the door shut hard, he looks at Peter and Wade with large eyes.

"Holy fuck he's not lying there's a tiger in there!" He quickly moves away from the door and flops down by Peter. "You ok man?"

Peter nods. "Yeah I'm just in a lot of pain."

"Me too." Eddie rubs his hands over his tired face and looks around at the mess the room has become. "God dam look at this place."

"I know." Peter groans. "They have my card downstairs, I'm a dead man."

"We'll figure it out don't worry...where's Scott?" Meanwhile, Wade is still pacing back and forth pantless.

"I could have died!" He claims. "I mean it would have only been temporary but how in the name of sandpaper dildos did a tiger even get in here?!"

"Wade seriously," Eddie says in annoyance, "put some pants on. That shouldn't be a question I have to ask twice." Wade looks around and decides on a sheet that he wraps around his waist. He too sits by Peter on the couch, separated by the smouldering hole. They sit in silence attempting to gather their thoughts. "What happened last night?"

"No idea." Wade answers. Peter touches his mouth and lifts up his top lip.

"Am I missing a tooth?" Eddie leans over to take a look and nods. "Not my first bicuspid."

"Ok we all just need to calm down." Eddie directs. "Wade you go wake up Scott, lets go get some coffee and then get the fuck out of Nevada before housekeeping shows up." Wade nods and leaves to find Scott. Still worried about his tooth, Peter finds his way to a mirror and takes a look for himself.

"O my god, what am I going to tell MJ?! I'm missing a tooth and I have no idea how it happened."

"Peter look you got to calm down-"

"Do I Eddie?! look around you man how the hell am I supposed to be calm when we destroyed a four thousand dollar hotel room?!" Before Eddie can speak back, Wade comes rushing into the room, now with pants.

"I can't find Scott."

"Did you check the other rooms?" Eddie asks.

"Yeah, he's gone and so is his mattress."

"Whatever. He's probably down by the pool getting some food. Ill try his cell." Eddie digs his phone out of his pocket and dials Scott's number. A vibration comes from Wades pocket and he answers.

"Hello?" Eddie looks at Wade as if he is stupid.

"Wade, it's me." Wade seems confused for a moment but quickly puts two and two together.

"Ohhh, this is Scott's phone." Wade hangs up and puts the phone back in his pocket. Out of nowhere they hear the cry of a baby. Frantically looking around, they find a little baby boy strapped into a carrier that had been placed in a closet. 

"Whos baby is that?" Peter asks.

"There's no one else here but us." Wade says. "check it's collar." Peter ignores Wade and picks the crying boy up.

"Hey buddy, shh, it's ok." He coos. Eddie rolls his eyes.

"Look I need coffee and advil, let's just go find Scott and deal with the baby after."

"Eddie it's a baby," Peter sterns, "and there's a tiger in the bathroom remember?" Eddie looks to Wade for support.

"Sorry man, I got to side with Peter on this one."

Eddie sighs and slides on a pair of sunglasses. "Fine. Bring the baby."

 

* * *

 

Inside the elevator, still hungover, Peter - who has the baby strapped to his chest- Eddie, and Wade wait patiently. 

"Why can't we remember anything about last night?" Peter asks.

"Because we obviously had a great fucking time." Eddie answers. "Quit your worrying for a second and be proud of yourself."

"I'm missing a tooth, we ruined a Villa, there's a tiger in the bathroom, and we _found_ a dam baby in the closet!" 

"Maybe we shouldn't swear around the baby." Wade suggests. The elevator doors open to and elderly couple, they bored as the woman admires the baby.

"Oh how cute! What's his name?"

"Carlos." Wade says confidently.

 

* * *

 

 

Pool side, at a round table, sit Eddie and Wade scruff and hungover. Eddie is shoving food into his mouth while Wade is feeding apple sauce to Carlos airplane style.

"Nerrrrrw...good boy." He coos. Eddie looks around while shoving toast into his mouth.

"Man," he says between bites, "I wish someone had brought me here when I was getting married." He eyes a model-like woman walking by in her bathing suit.

"What do you mean?" Wade asks.

"I mean I never would have gotten married dude." Peter scurries over and sits down, he is clearly worried.

"I have checked the casino, the gym, and the front desk but nobody has seen him."

"He'll be fine," Eddie gulps his coffee, "he's a grown man."

"We should go to the cops."

"Would you stop? It's 11am, the morning after his bachelor party. We're not going to the cops, now have some food."

"I can stress to you how bad of a situation this is Eddie! We have someone's baby!" A couple at a near by table look over, hearing the commotion. Eddie nods sweetly at the couple as if to say his friend were lying. Once they divert their attention else where, Eddie glares at Peter.

"Ok seriously, enough. Calm down. Have some juice." Eddie pushes a glass of OJ in front of Peter. "Now let's try to think, when was the last time we saw Scott?" Wade winces at the thought.

"We started off at the roof," he states, "we did some shots. That was around sevenish." Eddie nods, scribbling the time and place on a napkin.

"Then we had dinner at The Palm right?" Eddie continues.

"Yeah, then we played crabs at the Hard Rock...I think."

"No that sounds right, I think I remember that."

"I honestly don't even remember going to dinner." Peter says. Eddie looks down at the napkin, he drops the pen and sigh as he leans back in the chair.

"We got really fucked up didn't we?"

"I don't recall anything past Hard Rock." Wade says shaking his head. "But, Scott was with us then, that I do remember."

"Are you sure it wasn't me?" Eddie asks. "My body is so sore."

"No it was definitely Scott." Eddie nods, scribbling on the napkin.

"Alright," Peter says in thought, "so that takes us to about ten o'clock right?"

"Yeah," Eddie replies, "and leaves us with about a twelve hour window where we could have lost him." Wade shoves his hands in his pockets to think, unfortunetly that doesn't last as he feels something hard. He pulls it out and holds it up.

"Ew what the hell is that?!"

"That's my tooth!" Peter exclaims, snatching it.

"That's actually a good idea." Eddie says patting his clothes. "Check your pockets, see if you got anything." They empty their pockets to find receipts, room keys, and a valet ticket. Peter uncrumples a particularly long receipt from his back pocket.

"It's and ATM withdrawal from the Bellagio at 11:50 pm for..." Peter squints to pick out the creased ink, "eight hundred dollars?! Just kill me now, cause I'm a dead man."

"The valet ticket says we returned at 5:15am." Wade adds.

"We drove last night?!" Eddie questions. Wade opens his mouth to answer but stops when he notices a bright green band on Eddies wrist.

"What's that?" he points. Eddie twists the band to read the label. 

"Nevada emergency."

"You were in the hospital?"

"I guess so." He shrugs.

"Eddie that's great!" Peter says happily.

"Gee thanks."

"No, I mean that's our first lead!" Peter stands up, putting the baby back in the chest strap. "Come on lets go."

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

Standing outside the Valet, Eddie has won the argument on who should drive the Mercedes once it arrives. Peter is tightening the straps around Carlos when he notices a group of people staring up to the top of the hotel. His gaze follows so see a mattress impaled by a statue. 

"Guys, look." He points up.

"Is that Scott's mattress?" Wade asks.

"Some people just can't handle Vegas huh." Retorts a passing guest. Tires scrape to a stop next to them with the valet man inside. To their surprise, the car in front of them is not a Mercedes, but a cop car.

"The fuck?" Wade says to Eddie.

"Everyone act cool, let's just get in and go." He answers. The Valet man steps out and hands the keys in their direction.

"Your car officers." He says politely.

 

* * *

 

 

Now stuck in traffic on the stretch, Eddie is driving, with Peter at shotgun and Wade in back with the baby. The air conditioning is on blast.

"This is so illegal." Peter says.

"Do you ever see the fun part in anything?" Eddie asks. Peter looks at him.

"We are in a stolen police car, with what is sure to be a reported missing baby. What part of this could possibly be fun?" Wades head pokes out from the back to answer Peter.

"I think the cop car part is pretty cool."

"Thank you Wade," Eddie says, "It is fun." He looks back at Peter. "And I'm sure Scott would love this."

"He's a convicted felon gone straight." Peter snares.

"Why couldn't you be missing instead?" Eddie turns his attention back to the traffic which has still not moved. "Alright, that's enough." Eddie blasts the horn and pulls up onto the sidewalk. Pedestrians scream and jump as Eddie barrels down the stretch, knocking over tables and chairs in the process. He grabs the small microphone to talk through the outside speakers. "Attention! Attention! Please get out of our way! Ma'am you have an incredible rack!" 

 

* * *

 

 

Inside of a very small examination room, alongside of the guys, sits Dr. Peterson and a very old man in a hospital gown. 

"I'm not trying to be an a-hole," Peterson speaks "but this really isn't a good time."

"Understood," Peter begins, "and we apologize, but we are just trying to understand the circumstances here."

"I already told you, your friend," nodding to Eddie, "had a concussion and a couple of bruised ribs. But none of you were able to disclose how it happened." He turns back to the old man. "Say ahh."

"Do you remember how many of us were here?" asks Eddie.

"Just you guys with no baby, and one other guy."

"Great!" Wade exclaims. "That's Scott. Was he hurt?"

"Nope just wacked out of his mind. You all were." Dr. Peterson opens the old mans gown and turns him around. "Ok Felix I'm going to need you to cough." Wade covers Carlos' eyes while Eddie and Peter look away. 

"Hey doc," Wade asks, "does that happen with age or is this specific to the patient?"

"You do realize I'm breaking just about every rule in the book right? Have some respect." Peterson refers his attention back to Felix. "Alright Felix you're done for the day. Get dressed and a nurse will sign you out." He stands up, stripping off the plastic gloves, and washes his hands in the sink. "Look guys I really can't help you right now, I have a surgery up on fourth in ten minutes." Eddie had a feeling this would happen, so it was a good decision to have a one hundred dollar bribe ready. He holds it up to Dr. Peterson without a word. "Fine. Put it in my coat pocket I don't want to have to steralize again." Eddie does just that and they follow Peterson out to a desk where he finds Eddies chart. "Patient name, Eddie Brock, came in at 2: 45 am. Minor concusion, some bruising. Pretty standard." 

"Do you mind if I take a look at it?" Peter asks. "I'm a doctor so."

"Yeah you told me that multiple times last night. Having an almost doctorate in science isn't the same thing, it's like wearing a varsity jacket for band class." He flips through the pages once more. "Oh this is new," he looks up to Eddie, "your blood work came in."

"And?" Eddie asks.

"There was a large amount of Ketamine in your system. It's one of the date rape drugs."

"So...I was raped?" 

"I didn't say that...I didn't say you weren't either."

"Wait so someone roofied him?" Peter attempts to confirm.

"Yeah, someone must have slipped it to you, I'm not surprised any of you can't remember."

"But _none_ of us can remember. How could someone have drugged us all?" 

"I don't know maybe you shared a drink?" The guys look at each other with worry. "Look, I wouldn't worry about it at this point, it should be out of your system by now. So if you'll excuse me-"

"Wait doc," Eddie stops him, "there's got to be something else, maybe something we said? Did we talk about going somewhere or doing something?"

"You did mention a wedding. Dude with the baby said you just came from one."

"But Scott is getting married on Sunday."

"I'm guessing he," pointing to Peter, "isn't Scott then."

"Holy shit did I get married?" Peter panics.

"How should I know I wasn't there. All I know is that someone with you guys got married at Now and Forever Chapel, have a good day fellas, I've got a kidney transplant to do." Dr. Peterson walks away from the men, leaving them with just as many questions as they came in with. 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one might be a little bit of a mess but honestly there was so much going on in this part of the movie that I wasn't sure how to write it.

The stolen police car zips into a small parking lot. Before them is a small building with the resemblance of a church, an archway and a pink heart with the logo decorate the front entrance.

"What about the baby?" Wade asks stepping out of the car.

"Just leave him there we're only going to be five minutes." Eddie shuts his own door and fixes the sunglasses on his face.

"We aren't leaving a baby in the car." Peter states.

"He'll be fine," Eddie argues, "I cracked a window." The inside of the chapel is very gaudy, with dated couches, a service desk, and a small section on pews facing a stage.

"What if they don't remember us?" Peter asks.

"Well lets just find out." Eddie looks to the pews to see a man and a woman decorating with faux white roses. "Excuse me sir?" The man turns to Eddie. "Hi." He is clearly excited to see these three again.

"Look at these guys!" He exclaims. "What happened? You miss me? You miss Teddy?" Teddy hugs Eddie the moves to Wade. "Look at this guy! You fuckin' crazy! Listen I have to tell you something. I've known some sick people in my life but this guy," he gestures to Peter, "is the craziest, wildest bastard I've ever met."

"Really?" Eddie asks.

"This guy!" Teddy hugs Peter. "What's going on you crazy motherfucker?" Peter pats his shoulder.

"We're actually having a hard time remembering what happened last night." He replies.

"Obviously we were here last night," Eddie explains, "but we're looking for our friend Scott, do you remember him?

"Yeah the small guy, like a monkey?" Teddy holds up his hand in height comparison.

"Great you saw him," Peter smiles, "is there anything you can tell us from last night?" Teddy looks between the guys.

"You remember nothing? Let me show you." Teddy digs through a box and pulls out a small photo album with OUR WEDDING engraved on the front. He begins to flip through, showing off the guys in blue suits and Peter standing with a blonde woman.

"Congratulations Peter," Wade says, "you got married."

"This can't be happening." Peter groans. He flips the page to a group photo, in the middle of Scott, Eddie and Wade, Peter is groping the woman's breast. 

"Well I'll tell you one thing," Eddie says looking at the photo, "you look seriously happy here man."

"My life is over."

"Peter look your life isn't over ok? Shit happens, MJ is not going to know anything about this." Teddy drops a large box on the counter in front of the guys. Inside they can hear the clanking of materials. 

"What's all this?" Wade asks.

"The high roller package, it's what you guys ordered." Teddy answers. "I have coffee mugs, baseball caps, and fancy calendars all with pictures of Peter and Jade." Wade picks up the ball cap and fits it on his head, brushing some hair from his forehead.

"Jade is beautiful man, clean, very tight, tits like you wouldn't believe but that's because she just had a baby."

"Well that explains the baby." Eddie says to Peter.

"Oh Carlos!" Wade exclaims.

"Great, alright," Eddie turns back to Teddy, "Teddy here's the deal, we made a major mistake last night and we need to get this marriage annulled immediately. Do you do those?"

"Of course I do annulments, it breaks my heart but it's no problem and I'll do it at half price for you Peter. I can't do it with just you though I need Jade as well."

"Not a problem that's great. Isn't that great Peter?" Eddie looks over to see Peter clearly distressed. "And she probably knows where Scott is."

"Awesome." Peter says flatly.

"Alright uh," Eddie thinks, "we need her address. There must have been paper work right?"

"Absolutely." Teddy smiles. "I'll dig it up for you."

 

With the address on hand, the guys make their way out of the chapel. In there hands, Eddie and Wade are carrying the boxes of wedding souvenirs.

"Hey what about Hanks car?" Wade asks.

"I'm sure Scott has it." Eddie says putting his box in the trunk of the police car.

"Yeah and when we get it we can torch this one along with the wedding crap." Peter says.

"Torch it?" Eddie asks."Who are you man?"

"I don't know any more man! Apparently I'm a guy who marries complete strangers! This whole situation is completely fucked." Peter grabs a mug from the box. "This mug," he smashes it on the ground, "this hat," he snatches the one Wade is wearing to join it with the broken mug, "this car, is all evidence of a night that never happened. That is why we are torching all of it."

"Woah, woah, woah, I'm a school teacher ok? I got a family, I'm all for secrecy but I'm not going to torch a fucking cop car!"

"Fine I'll do it." Peter shrugs.

"Can I help?" Wade asks.

"Yeah I guess." A cell phone begins to ring and the guys pats their pockets looking.

"Shit is it Scott?" Eddie questions. "Peter your pocket!" Peter pulls the phone out of his pants pocket.

"Ah shit it's MJ." He groans.

"Don't answer it." Eddie instructs while shutting the trunk.

"I have to she's call twice already." Peter takes a step away and bring the phone to his ear.

"Hey sweetheart how are you?"

_"There you are."_ She says. _"This is the third time I'm trying you."_

"I know the reception up here is crazy. I think it's all the trees blocking the signal."

_"Ugh, I hate that. So how was it last night?"_

"Uh. It was really fun actually, it's kinda quiet but it was a good time. We learned so many facts about wine and grapes." Outside an orange sports car screeches into the parking lot, blocking Eddies way.

"What the fuck?" he mumbles.

"I should get going," Peter says, not seeing the sports car, "we're about to go on a tractor ride."

_"A tractor ride?"_   Out of the sports car, a man emerges holding a wooden baseball bat. _"That's sounds lovely."_

"Yeah it's so pretty up here. I-"

"Lets go! Out of the car!" the guy yells.

_"What was that?"_  

"They just started up the tractor." Peter thinks quickly. "It looks like it backfired." Another man accompanying the bat man looks in at Eddie.

"Where the hell is he?!" He interrogates.

"Hey easy ok?" Eddie says. "I think we're looking for the same guy." Bat guy didn't like that response. He swings his bat and punctures a large crack into the cars from window. The loud noise rings through the car and Carlos begins to cry. "What the hell man?!" Eddie yells.

_"Peter?_ _Is that a baby?"_

"Nope no baby, that's a goat!" Again, the man swings his bat, this time cracking the shot gun window.

"Hey!" Wade yells. "There's a baby on board!"

_"I literally just heard someone say baby."_

"N-no it's a baby goat I swear." The men outside keep shaking and hitting the car, intensifying Carlos' waling. Out of the chapel comes Teddy with concern.

"Hey guys why are you making so much noise?" He calls. One man pulls out a guy and points its at Wade.

"Get out of the fucking car now!"

"He's got a gun!" Wade exclaims.

"I gotta call you back!" Peter hangs up.

"No shit he's got a gun!" Eddie exclaims. He throws the car in reverse and steps on the gas, when the car jerks back, it rolls over the mans foot. The man fires the gun off but the bullet completely misses the car and instead hits Teddy in the shoulder.

"He shot Teddy!" Peter cries.

"Fuck this shit!" Eddie yells. He swings the vehicle around, plowing through the sports car, and flying out into the middle of the road. Peter holds Carlos against the seat with his arm and screams at Eddie to drive as quickly as possible. 

"Holy shit." Wade gasps. Carlos cries again and Peter pets his head.

"Hey little guy everything is going to be alright. What the fuck is going on?!" 

"I have no idea." Eddie shakes his head. Peters phone rings again, he doesn't need to look to know who it is.

"Why don't you let that one go to voice mail." Eddie suggests.

" Ha,ha,ha." Peter says sarcastically. "That's a fake laugh by the way!"

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr: allysblog1432


End file.
